Thoughts on the Equinox

I started a new practice. Each morning, I get up and I try to assess the source of my thoughts, and rather than immediately pan out to the future, I now go through the day on a case-by-case basis. It's difficult at times because what is perhaps a core to most is absolutely new to me. In a way, I am sort of frightened and relieved that my voice can still be so Puritanical... how? I have no idea.

As a child, I was super petrified of making the smallest error in judgment, and this manner of thinking was present from the get-go. The funny thing is, as a child, I always felt alien, I always felt disconnected from others. As a child, I simply stared and spent the majority of my time, playing in my own world. I don't remember feeling anything much. I even used to pull away my hand from my mother and other adults. I refused hugs, and pretty much never wanted to have anything to do with anyone else.

I didn't know how. I didn't understand other kids. They couldn't understand me. I was meant to be an only child, but I was lucky enough to have a sister. Being the older child is confusing. I think we're more of an experiment, we're sort of the testing ground, and it's okay because our parents had no instruction manual either. There is

I loved water, and I loved looking at things in the garden. I had very poor social skills. I didn't want to play with other children, I liked drawing, and I liked my grandfather, and I loved sitting and drawing on the coffee table while he watched "The Price is Right."

And now, I think about who I am, and how I got here, and where I'm going. I think about all I have to do, and all I want to do, and all I need to do to stay true. Life is a learning experience. Some of us need to fall harder than others. Some of us must climb to be better individuals, and some of us are further along than others. I'm here, I'll do the best I can.